31 times Halloween pumpkins totally nailed what it’s like to be a parent

For some, the pumpkin spice latte is life. For us, the literal pumpkin is life—specifically, the first year of life as a parent.

By Mandy Milks October 18, 2020

Have you seen this weird internet trend: Halloween pumpkins giving birth? Apparently it’s a thing. So, obviously we decided to illustrate the joys of parenthood through, well, pumpkins. Welcome to the strangest article ever written.

1. Remember the good old days, when you were just two sexy kids (with no kids)?

happy man wearing a pumpkin hat and underwear

2. Then you pee on a stick and…oh, yeah, it’s on.

carving of fetus on pumpkin

3. Once the barfing subsides, you’re ready to share the news with the world.

pregnancy announcement written on two pumpkins that says

4. Bonus: Your besties are pregnant, too! #squadgoals

three women with pumpkins painted on their pregnant bellies

5. When you try to get some rest, inside your baby be like:

6. Are those Braxton Hicks or the real thing? Better call the midwife, girl!

a dog dressed as a doctor listening for a heartbeat on a pumpkin

7. Remember how you worried about having your hair and make up done for the hospital? Hahaha, that was funny. But you still looked great, promise.

pumpkin carved as pregnant woman wearing a blonde wig and giving birth

8. Thankfully you remembered your chic silk scarf and earrings.

pumpkin carved as pregnant woman with zucchini arms and giving birth

9. And a pedicure.

pumpkin carved as pregnant woman wearing a bathing cap and giving birth

10. Oh, that’s for sure broken forever.

pumpkin carved as pregnant woman wearing hospital scrubs and giving birth

11. Is the F*[email protected] baby coming out sideways.

pumpkin woman having a baby

12. Emergency C-section? But what about my birth plan?

pumpkin woman having a c-section

13. I can’t believe it—we did it! He’s perfect!

happy pumpkin mom holding small pumpkin baby

14. Oh sh*t. Now what?

scared pumpkin mom holding small pumpkin baby

15. How much poop can one baby even have?

pumpkin carved as baby with a full diaper

16. Aaaaaaand, I have no nipples. Just raw gaping wounds. Cool.

pumpkin carved as breastfeeding mom with surprised face

17. Let’s try the pump, maybe?

pumpkin wearing a breast pump and a caption that says *pump*kin

18. I’m so over pumping all the time, and to be honest, I’m not sure it’s any better.

image of a pumpkin mom using a breast pump

19. I’m so glad we bought the expensive crib to hold all the new adorable outfits that only fit for three days.

cute baby sleeping in a hollowed out pumpkin

20. Look at us rocking parenting and meal planning like total pros. Wait, why is her eye twitching?

two pumpkins with magazine cutouts of eyes nose and mouth pasted on as a face

21. Some days you answer the door looking just like this.

jack o

22. Hey, check me out. This breastfeeding thing is getting a little easier—and I had time to do my hair!

happy breastfeeding pumpkin mom

23. But my house looks like this. Mat leave was supposed to be all about organizing and batch cooking, right? RIGHT?

pumpkin cut open showing seeds and guts


25. What other families look like on Instagram:

pumpkin family with succulent hair

26. Meanwhile, you’re trying to get someone (anyone!) to look at the camera.

pumpkin family with funny faces

27. The division of labour is going exactly as planned. We are a great team!

scary pumpkin eating smaller pumpkin

28. Oh look, he’s crawling now. He literally never stops moving. Where the heck is that baby gate?! #fml

29. He starts daycare and you have some time to chill before mat leave ends. NOPE. Now he’s got a new virus every third day. It’s cool to call in sick your first day back to work, right?

pumpkin barfing guacamole onto a platter of chips

30. Those last 12 months weren’t that bad, maybe we should try again? Honey?

tired looking gourd with a limp stem

31.We’ve totally got this. What could possibly surprise us the second time around?


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